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Putin Puts Out the Plans

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For most ost people, the sudden disappearance of the Russian president Vladimir Putin was a mysterious happening, and speculations went viral. However, a small group of Russian hackers, named Kreml Killers, knew very well what was going on. The story has its start in 1980’s Berlin. Even though the wall was up, the guard was down in underground Berlin. Putin was pursuing his impressive career as a KGB officer, stationed in the current German capital. He spent most of his free time in the mysterious underground pubs and bars, which seemed far more attractive than the cigar and whisky lounges typically visited by his peers. On one of his typical Thursday nights, in February of 1988, Putin had a ”cheerful night” with an attractive Austrian lady in his favorite local absinthe bar. Little did he know that this specific night would, twenty-six years later, change his life in an ironic way.

It is May 10th, 2014, and Conchita Wurst has just won the entire Eurovision Song Contest with her song ”Rise Like a Phoenix”. Many were happy for the acceptance and progress of the LBTQ-movement that this victory was proof of. However, most were unaware of the ironic background. Having, only a few years earlier, found out that he happened to make the Austrian beauty of 1988 pregnant during his nightly visit, Putin felt great responsibility for his additional offspring. Despite the tougher climate on gay rights happening in media, blood is thicker than water for Putin, and his unexpected son, being it a boy or girl or of another gender, is still invaluable to him. After finding out that Conchita would represent Austria in the Eurovision Song Contest, he started planning for a ”fail-proof victory”. He carried out his plan by setting the government’s best hackers on the task of creating a virtual robot, so sophisticated that it would fool the vote counters of the contest and place an unbeatable number of votes on his son. The rest is history.

Now, the Eurovision Song Contest of 2015 is in the making. Putin spent 16 years in KGB…

THE SCOTSMAN

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